I'm a terrible blogger, obviously. It's been a couple weeks since my last update so now, I'm gonna play catch up a bit. I've found that slipping up on portion control is SUPER easy. I didn't enter my food log for about 3 days. I had 3 birthday celebrations. And I've had some depressing news. All these things trigger my "emotional eater" personality to go into over drive.
I find that I get too mad at myself when I don't keep myself on track which, unfortunately, means I lean on food even more. It's a catch 22. I get mad because I don't follow my plan and eat too much, so I eat more? What logic is that? Um yea, definitely need to work on that. It's that sort of problem that makes me want to say, "oh well, I give up." But this time is different. Because I know that not succeeding is NOT an option. I fall down but ultimately in the back of my mind is, "You're going to die." When the need to lose weight stops being about 'I'm tired of looking fat' and becomes 'I'm gonna die if I don't lose this weight' I can't afford to fail.
Ok, so back to my update. Halloween was a fun night, movies and popcorn with a good friend. I figured all the goodies into my limits, and was over all really happy with the night. And then you have the rest of that week. My birthday dinner, my dad's birthday dinner, and my mom's birthday dinner were ALL celebrated that week. I made my own dinner, chili. A Fall favorite for my family. It was delicious, and by making it myself I knew exactly what was in it and how much to have. My dad wanted steak, potatoes, and my mom's macaroni shrimp salad(very typical for my dad.) This meal wasn't too bad, until I reached the hard part. Resisting the salad. I LOVE my mom's salad, BUT I also know exactly what is in it. Which means a single serving of this yummy comfort food, means almost all of the calories for the day. I felt like the bowl was staring at me, whispering for me to eat it. I gave in and had a very small amount and then felt crappy. :( But like before I recovered the next day, and came in under my limit. My mom loves Chinese food, ergo, she wants that. I'm supposed to go to dinner with her tonight and have been saving my calories in a way. I know it's going to be a costly night, so I'm preparing myself.
So that stuff is under control. Now for the emotional side of things. I'm a CNA with a home health company. I love my job, but am sick of my company. I'm not getting enough hours and it's taking a hit on my life financially and mentally. I've been looking for a new job with a company that I hear nothing but good things about. Unfortunately all their applications are done online, and on paper it doesn't look like I qualify. Long story short I've been doing CNA work for 4 1/2 years, but have only been certified as a CNA for 2 months. I got shot down for one postion and then another. I felt like crap, and nothing makes me feel better than eating, right? I really did try to avoid eating for no reason. But I did fail a little. I guess this is yet another thing I need to learn. Coping with disappointment without turning to food. So as you can tell, it's been a rough couple of weeks on the food front.
On the bright side. I have been noticing a slight change in my scrubs. My pants were tight, and now they have graduated to snug. I'm really happy with this little milestone. And overall my good days I feel great so as always, that trumps the weight loss thing. :)
Until next time.
SusieQ
