Ugh, I'm kinda mad at myself today. My birthday was last week and as tradition goes, my friend took me to Olive Garden for dinner. I went into dinner knowing that I could make a good choice, avoid a dozen bread sticks, and drink water. Well, I failed. I got caught up in all the things I love at Olive garden.
I thought I could just eat one bread stick and a little salad and take my meal home for tomorrow. So when I say I failed... I failed BIG. Before the evening was over I ate 4 bread sticks, a full bowl of salad, a few bites of the mozzarella appetizer that my friend bought, and then ALL of my spaghetti and Italian sausage and of course had my Tiramisu . Oh and I had a strawberry lemonade. I don't know what happened between my "make healthy choices pep talk" and actually eating the meal, but I know that I am definitely not ready to put myself in that position again. I had almost 2,700 calories just in Dinner, bringing my total for the day to 3,240, that's over 1,200 calories MORE than my daily limit! I didn't get sick this time, but I was more angry that I let myself do it again!
So begins tomorrow. Halloween. It's probably a good thing that candy is no a vice for me, else I could have another problem. I know I'm an emotional eater and this annoyance at myself would usually be a good a trigger for a good ole binge. But I'm determined to call it a night, and go to bed.
Tomorrow will be a good day!
SusieQ*
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
First Review
Ok, so here I am 2 weeks into my new lifestyle. I refuse to call this a diet, because it's not. It's simply making healthy choices and being smart. I'm starting with a 2,000 calorie diet.
After week 1, I felt really great! I had met all my calorie goals the whole week, had cut out anything fried, carbonated, super sugary, and just plain fatty. I loved the way I was feeling and loved the accountability of www.caloriecount.about.com. I like having to be responsible to someone or something else. I've cleaned out my pantry of anything that I didn't REALLY enjoy that was bad for me. I kept a couple things that I love and that in moderation are ok. As I'm learning to count my calories and see where I get most of my calories from and notice how so much of the stuff I ate before was just wasted calories. Now I check the labels 100 times more than before. It's kind of funny because I used to not even care, but now it's like, hey, this might be good for you but a serving is only 1/2 cup NOT 2 cups like I had been eating. Portion control is and probably always will be where I struggle. I LOVE food, and pasta is a weakness. The fact that I also love to cook doesn't help that either. :)
I was so proud of myself I thought I would reward myself with some raspberry sorbet from cold stone, it was totally worth it! It was 300 Calories for more than 1 1/2 cups and lasted me 2 days.
So Week 1 was a success. Week 2 my dad and I went to Vegas for my birthday. I knew that it was going to be really hard to stick to what I had been doing mostly because I couldn't prepare my own food. BUT that didn't give me an excuse to pick bad food. I packed apples, bananas, granola bars, Quaker oat crisps, and lots of water. I figured I could at least have good snacks. I did pretty good on the first and second day, day 2 I slipped a bit and day three I couldn't resist all the yummy food a buffet in Vegas had to offer. But while I was making a trip to the salad bar I was all of a sudden very aware of people around me. I kept wondering if they were looking at me and thinking I was the stereotypical fat person who goes to buffets ALL the time. In all honesty, I can't remember the last time I went to a buffet before this trip to Vegas. So anyway, I kept wondering if they were watching me, which only made me want to eat more. I ate tons of food, from enchaladas and rice to pizza and pot roast.
After I was done and we were leaving it hit me, that with my first real temptation, I failed. I gave in to those old horrible habits. I was mad at myself. I'm not sure if subconsciously I thought I should be sick from the food or if it was a genuine reaction from my body not having these toxins in it for so long, but, I got sick. I spent the majority of the remainder of the evening in the bathroom. I was so disappointed in myself that I would do that. BUT I think that I needed to have that experience. My body had gotten used to having fresh food, not cooked in oil, not greasy, over all healthy food and now it was as if I was poisoning my body. And I didn't like the way that I felt afterward. As a result the next day I was very sluggish and tired. I had very little energy and just felt rather crappy(my old norm).
So my lesson learned is that I will have days that I can't necessarily have complete control over, and I WILL slip up. After all I am human. BUT I don't have to dig the hole deeper AND tomorrow is a new day!
I have been back to my new ways for the past 3 days and I'm feeling SO much better! I resisted sweets and baked goods at a work party and felt so good. I realized that ok, yea I CAN eat that brownie that LOOKS so tasty but is probably more like cardboard OR I could have an extra apple and some vanilla yogurt(which I have always loved) and feel wonderful about my decision! Tough choice. I also tried to figured the amount of calories that that little brownie would cost me out of my day, which meant I would have to leave something out of my plan or go over, either way, I didn't think it was worth it. I have turned down pizza, cookies, cakes, brownies, meatloaf, potato salad, and a few other things, things that I didn't think I would have said no to before.
I have yet to get on a scale or measure anything, I think it is way to soon for any of that, but just knowing that I feel better makes the world of difference in my eyes!
Susie Q*
After week 1, I felt really great! I had met all my calorie goals the whole week, had cut out anything fried, carbonated, super sugary, and just plain fatty. I loved the way I was feeling and loved the accountability of www.caloriecount.about.com. I like having to be responsible to someone or something else. I've cleaned out my pantry of anything that I didn't REALLY enjoy that was bad for me. I kept a couple things that I love and that in moderation are ok. As I'm learning to count my calories and see where I get most of my calories from and notice how so much of the stuff I ate before was just wasted calories. Now I check the labels 100 times more than before. It's kind of funny because I used to not even care, but now it's like, hey, this might be good for you but a serving is only 1/2 cup NOT 2 cups like I had been eating. Portion control is and probably always will be where I struggle. I LOVE food, and pasta is a weakness. The fact that I also love to cook doesn't help that either. :)
I was so proud of myself I thought I would reward myself with some raspberry sorbet from cold stone, it was totally worth it! It was 300 Calories for more than 1 1/2 cups and lasted me 2 days.
So Week 1 was a success. Week 2 my dad and I went to Vegas for my birthday. I knew that it was going to be really hard to stick to what I had been doing mostly because I couldn't prepare my own food. BUT that didn't give me an excuse to pick bad food. I packed apples, bananas, granola bars, Quaker oat crisps, and lots of water. I figured I could at least have good snacks. I did pretty good on the first and second day, day 2 I slipped a bit and day three I couldn't resist all the yummy food a buffet in Vegas had to offer. But while I was making a trip to the salad bar I was all of a sudden very aware of people around me. I kept wondering if they were looking at me and thinking I was the stereotypical fat person who goes to buffets ALL the time. In all honesty, I can't remember the last time I went to a buffet before this trip to Vegas. So anyway, I kept wondering if they were watching me, which only made me want to eat more. I ate tons of food, from enchaladas and rice to pizza and pot roast.
After I was done and we were leaving it hit me, that with my first real temptation, I failed. I gave in to those old horrible habits. I was mad at myself. I'm not sure if subconsciously I thought I should be sick from the food or if it was a genuine reaction from my body not having these toxins in it for so long, but, I got sick. I spent the majority of the remainder of the evening in the bathroom. I was so disappointed in myself that I would do that. BUT I think that I needed to have that experience. My body had gotten used to having fresh food, not cooked in oil, not greasy, over all healthy food and now it was as if I was poisoning my body. And I didn't like the way that I felt afterward. As a result the next day I was very sluggish and tired. I had very little energy and just felt rather crappy(my old norm).
So my lesson learned is that I will have days that I can't necessarily have complete control over, and I WILL slip up. After all I am human. BUT I don't have to dig the hole deeper AND tomorrow is a new day!
I have been back to my new ways for the past 3 days and I'm feeling SO much better! I resisted sweets and baked goods at a work party and felt so good. I realized that ok, yea I CAN eat that brownie that LOOKS so tasty but is probably more like cardboard OR I could have an extra apple and some vanilla yogurt(which I have always loved) and feel wonderful about my decision! Tough choice. I also tried to figured the amount of calories that that little brownie would cost me out of my day, which meant I would have to leave something out of my plan or go over, either way, I didn't think it was worth it. I have turned down pizza, cookies, cakes, brownies, meatloaf, potato salad, and a few other things, things that I didn't think I would have said no to before.
I have yet to get on a scale or measure anything, I think it is way to soon for any of that, but just knowing that I feel better makes the world of difference in my eyes!
Susie Q*
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Here we go!
Hello readers?
I'm not sure anyone will read this or even care but I've decided that I need to have an outlet on this new journey I'm embarking on. I want to use this blog to keep track of the changes I'm making and to be completely open in a way that I can't with my everyday blog.
This is the beginning to the "new" me. Let me just start by saying that I have been really big my whole life and I say that not as an excuse, but just to let you know that I'm used to it. And for that reason, (I think anyway) it has been so much harder for me to lose weight. I've been on one fad diet after another from the time I was about 12. giving up on each within a couple of months. And it was easy to quit because unlike most overweight kids, I had a lot of friends, and was rarely teased (I think in part because I stayed active and did everything that they did.)
Some new, developments, have come up in my life concerning my weight and although I've always ignored and/or gotten depressed about my weight I've finally hit that wall that I know I can't go on like this much longer. I see people who are so heavy that they are bed bound and completely dependent on others and I'm TERRIFIED that that will happen to me if I don't make some serious changes. I'm 23 years old, I wear a size 32W,(and sometimes that doesn't even fit) I weigh somewhere near 450lbs, I say "somewhere near" because That's what I weighed the last time I was actually weighed. I get winded after a flight of stairs and I can't walk very fast without beginning to breath fairly hard. Mind you I do walk and I do work for a living, I'm not a complete couch potato, but my activity is becoming increasing less as I get bigger. I am SO sick of being like this, I feel like "the fat friend" in the lives of all my friends and family. I know that they love me no matter how I look or how much I weigh, but I feel like I'm holding them back whenever we go places or do anything. They seem to wait for me, and I HATE that!!
So, it's fairly simple. My goals are not to lose 400 pounds and be super skinny or look like a model. My goals are less focused on weight and more on taking control and enjoying my life. In no particular order;
SusieQ*
I'm not sure anyone will read this or even care but I've decided that I need to have an outlet on this new journey I'm embarking on. I want to use this blog to keep track of the changes I'm making and to be completely open in a way that I can't with my everyday blog.
This is the beginning to the "new" me. Let me just start by saying that I have been really big my whole life and I say that not as an excuse, but just to let you know that I'm used to it. And for that reason, (I think anyway) it has been so much harder for me to lose weight. I've been on one fad diet after another from the time I was about 12. giving up on each within a couple of months. And it was easy to quit because unlike most overweight kids, I had a lot of friends, and was rarely teased (I think in part because I stayed active and did everything that they did.)
Some new, developments, have come up in my life concerning my weight and although I've always ignored and/or gotten depressed about my weight I've finally hit that wall that I know I can't go on like this much longer. I see people who are so heavy that they are bed bound and completely dependent on others and I'm TERRIFIED that that will happen to me if I don't make some serious changes. I'm 23 years old, I wear a size 32W,(and sometimes that doesn't even fit) I weigh somewhere near 450lbs, I say "somewhere near" because That's what I weighed the last time I was actually weighed. I get winded after a flight of stairs and I can't walk very fast without beginning to breath fairly hard. Mind you I do walk and I do work for a living, I'm not a complete couch potato, but my activity is becoming increasing less as I get bigger. I am SO sick of being like this, I feel like "the fat friend" in the lives of all my friends and family. I know that they love me no matter how I look or how much I weigh, but I feel like I'm holding them back whenever we go places or do anything. They seem to wait for me, and I HATE that!!
So, it's fairly simple. My goals are not to lose 400 pounds and be super skinny or look like a model. My goals are less focused on weight and more on taking control and enjoying my life. In no particular order;
- I want to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like I've just run a marathon.
- I want to be able to buckle my seat belt in my car without using an extender. And that goes for my friends and families cars as well.
- I want to go to a movie theater and not have to worry about if the arms will raise up so my hips fit.
- I want to not worry about not getting a aisle seat when I go to the theater.
- I want to be able to buy a pair of jeans from a regular store and not one geared toward plus size women.
- I want to be able to laugh and chase with my nephew and not feel like I'm going to pass out.
- I want to out live my parents.
- I want my mom to stop worrying about me.
- I want to be able to not worry about my knees giving out.
- I want sit on a chair without questioning it's weight limit.
- I want to walk on a deck and not worry about falling through.
- I want to ride my bike again.
- I want to stop wondering what negative comments people are thinking when they look at me.
- I want to date.
- I want to dance.
- I want to enjoy life, not feel like it's passing me by while I sit here and be fat.
- I want to be normal.
- I want to be average.
- I want to travel and be able to go places.
- I want to LIVE!!!
SusieQ*
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