Here we go!

Hello readers?
I'm not sure anyone will read this or even care but I've decided that I need to have an outlet on this new journey I'm embarking on. I want to use this blog to keep track of the changes I'm making and to be completely open in a way that I can't with my everyday blog.
This is the beginning to the "new" me. Let me just start by saying that I have been really big my whole life and I say that not as an excuse, but just to let you know that I'm used to it. And for that reason, (I think anyway) it has been so much harder for me to lose weight. I've been on one fad diet after another from the time I was about 12. giving up on each within a couple of months. And it was easy to quit because unlike most overweight kids, I had a lot of friends, and was rarely teased (I think in part because I stayed active and did everything that they did.)
Some new, developments, have come up in my life concerning my weight and although I've always ignored and/or gotten depressed about my weight I've finally hit that wall that I know I can't go on like this much longer. I see people who are so heavy that they are bed bound and completely dependent on others and I'm TERRIFIED that that will happen to me if I don't make some serious changes. I'm 23 years old, I wear a size 32W,(and sometimes that doesn't even fit) I weigh somewhere near 450lbs, I say "somewhere near" because That's what I weighed the last time I was actually weighed.  I get winded after a flight of stairs and I can't walk very fast without beginning to breath fairly hard. Mind you I do walk and I do work for a living, I'm not a complete couch potato, but my activity is becoming increasing less as I get bigger. I am SO sick of being like this, I feel like "the fat friend" in the lives of all my friends and family. I know that they love me no matter how I look or how much I weigh, but I feel like I'm holding them back whenever we go places or do anything. They seem to wait for me, and I HATE that!!
So, it's fairly simple. My goals are not to lose 400 pounds and be super skinny or look like a model. My goals are less focused on weight and more on taking control and enjoying my life. In no particular order;

1.  I want to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like I've just run a marathon. 
2. I want to be able to buckle my seat belt in my car without using an extender. And that goes for my friends and families cars as well.
3. I want to go to a movie theater and not have to worry about if the arms will raise up so my hips fit.
4. I want to not worry about not getting a aisle seat when I go to the theater. 
5. I want to be able to buy a pair of jeans from a regular store and not one geared toward plus size women.
6. I want to be able to laugh and  chase with my nephew and not feel like I'm going to pass out.
7. I want to out live my parents.
8. I want my mom to stop worrying about me.
9. I want to be able to not worry about my knees giving out.
10. I want sit on a chair without questioning it's weight limit.
11. I want to walk on a deck and not worry about falling through.
12. I want to ride my bike again.
13. I want to stop wondering what negative comments people are thinking when they look at me.
14. I want to date.
15. I want to dance.
16. I want to enjoy life, not feel like it's passing me by while I sit here and be fat.
17. I want to be normal.
18. I want to be average.
19. I want to travel and be able to go places.
20. I want to LIVE!!!

I'm excited and scared to death at failing on this new adventure. I'm being optimistic and telling myself it's not a race and not matter what, change is change. Besides, it can't get much worse! :P
SusieQ*